Life can be stressful enough and then they give you Christmas fairy lights!!
I love Christmas, it really is my favourite time of year, but the stresses and strains that it can bring with it are immense. Whilst some of us are thoroughly enjoying the Christmas festivities and can’t wait for the day to come, for others it is a time of loneliness, bitter-sweet memories, or stress and anxiety, to name but a few.
Add the worry about what to wear to all the money worries and the angst of spending time with relations in close quarters, then it starts to make you wonder why we put ourselves through it every year!
Don’t get me wrong, I love dressing up and one of the things I enjoy most about my Christmas planning is sorting out what I am going to wear, even if I am only spending Christmas with my son and husband at home. But the constant barrage of images, adverts and articles we get from magazines, newspapers and the television can really put pressure on us and make us believe that Christmas will be a complete disaster without having matching pyjamas to open our stockings in.
I recently read an article that suggested the aforementioned pyjamas for stocking opening with a glass of champagne, then changing for the church service, then another change for pre-lunch drinks, another for lunch, another for the afternoon walk and another for Christmas tea. I was exhausted just reading the article! As fun as it might be (for someone like me, anyway!), quite honestly who has the time? See below for Tips for Christmas Outfit Confidence.
These articles and pictures can be inspiring and give great ideas of what you would like to wear, but they don’t address the triggers, the emotions and thoughts that go through your head when contemplating your outfits, or the abject panic you might feel at having to dress up, show up and actually, potentially, become visible for once.
The thing we have to remember is that we don’t need anyone else’s permission to dress how we want. It really doesn’t matter what your colleagues think, what your Mother-in-law thinks, or even what your partner thinks.
What DOES matter is what YOU think.
How do YOU feel? What do YOU want to look like?
Easier said than done though, isn’t it?
Oh, the shivers that go down my spine when I think about turning up to a drinks party in a full evening gown when everyone else was in jeans (no one sent me the memo!), or a friend saying in a loud whisper just when there was a lull in conversation, that I should have worn a different bra, or the hostess in a Scottish castle where we were at a house party, informing everyone that I had “done my best, but it was of course home-made”!
We, all of us, need to feel that we belong, and we all need to feel part of the “pack” or “tribe”. It is human nature. So, to go out on a limb and wear exactly what we want to wear can be frightening and nerve-wracking.
If a member of your family is constantly jibing at you about things, then you are going to want to appear invisible, or dress in something they would approve of, probably a long way away from how you would like to dress.
If your partner is constantly putting you down, or telling you you’re overweight, then you are going to want to hide under voluminous clothes, so you don’t attract attention.
Or, it may be you yourself, who is self-sabotaging, with negative body thoughts, telling
yourself you are fat, overweight, your hair looks bad, etc, etc. Or the worst thing, in my opinion – “I just don’t care”.
So many times, I hear from women, when I tell them what I do in my business – “oh, my style evolved many years ago. I can’t be bothered to change it now”.
Or,
“There is no point in me trying a new style now, I am far too old/overweight/set in my ways”
Or perhaps the saddest of them all,
“No one notices me anyway” ……..
But, if you don’t care, if you don’t worry about how you look, then no one else will. They are too busy worrying about their own problems and insecurities, believe me! Would you stand by and watch your sibling, daughter, or friend, just give up on themselves and not bother trying anymore? I bet you wouldn’t, so why give up on yourself?
Another reason that the festive season can be such a stressful time regards to what we wear, is other people’s agendas.
I was out shopping with one of my lovely ladies a couple of years ago, shopping for her family Christmas and I asked why she kept going for bland and colourless outfits, when I knew her style was far more flamboyant than that. She thought about it for a while and then said it was because her sister always made comments like, “Well, it’s alright for you, you can afford nice outfits”. This, in turn, triggered old and deeply set emotions of wanting to keep the peace between her sister and her mum and shut down any resentments before they surfaced, so she always opted for outfits that wouldn’t draw attention to herself, whenever she met up with her sister.
This is a very common theme and I come across it again and again and not just at Christmas. I am also a victim of it! For my style, I love to mix up luxe items, such as a sequinned top or a velvet jacket, with a pair of jeans. Or maybe a smart pair of tuxedo trousers, or shiny skirt, with a chunky jumper or a t-shirt. This completely fits with my understated glam look which is my "vibe". This is a throwback to never being quite sure of the dress code and often getting it wrong (see earlier story!), so I developed a style that would deliberately stand out and cause comment. A rebellious style that wasn’t quite wrong, but also not quite right!
These emotions and triggers are with us all the time and can be very hard to overcome, especially at this time of year, when feelings are running high. They come in many forms, from being teased in nursery school for wearing your siblings’ cast-offs or having the “wrong” pair of trainers in our teens, to comments made by friends or family as we get older and are feeling vulnerable and unsure of who we are now.
Another thing we have to deal with is the guilt factor of buying. All the magazines are full of new outfits and the siren call of the newest trend and the sparkly objects is very hard to ignore. If you are suffering from a lack of confidence and are dreading going to whatever party, or a "do", then appearing in a new outfit could give you the boost you need, but this can bring all sorts of emotions about overspending.
Do you really need a new outfit? One thing I recommend is looking through Pinterest and your favourite online store and getting inspiration, but then trying to put a similar outfit together from what you have in your wardrobe. Or maybe think of an outfit you have worn before that you felt really good in and wear that again. It is amazing what one can find hidden in the back of a drawer or wardrobe – I have just found a lovely beaded jumper I found in a charity shop last Christmas and I had forgotten all about it! Perfect for Christmas Day!
5 Tips to Tackle Christmas Outfit Anxiety with Confidence
1. Make a list of all the events you are going to over the Christmas period and plan your outfits according to the dress code of the event.
2. “Test drive” your outfits before the event – I recently wore a wool skirt with a pair of tights (pantyhose) and by the time I got the office I had created enough static electricity to light the whole of London’s festive lights! So, just make sure the outfit works with
accessories, etc and that the look you had in your mind, works on you!
3. Before you go out and buy new clothes, check through your wardrobe and see what you have that you can wear again. Don’t worry if people have seen it before – take it as a compliment if someone comments that you are wearing something again!
4. Wear clothes that you feel like “you” in. If you are wearing something that is the polar opposite of what you normally wear, you will feel uncomfortable and like an imposter in your own clothes and this will make your self-confidence plummet.
5. If you are layering your clothes, i.e. camisole, blouse, jacket, wrap, then make sure that you feel confident in every layer. It is no good having a lovely cami to strip down to when you are hot from the dance floor, if you can see your bra through it, or you feel uncomfortable about your arms, etc. You need to feel happy and confident in everything you are wearing!
Finally, just remember that this season is meant to be fun.
Enjoy yourself, be yourself and look after yourself!
Happy Christmas to you all!
Read more about the importance of mind-set here -
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